Meditative Practice Week 2

 March 12, 2023

Master Mike was ill and we were unable to do class #3 as scheduled. So we had an impromptu Meditation and Kyber Beacon. For those of you unaware of what a Kyber beacon is, it is a form of energy work done chiefly by members within the community wide group known as Jedi CAN. It is a cooperate, guided, meditative practice meant to focus energy for one disaster or one person or one situation. This beacon session was for Mike. After that, Jedi did what Jedi do, and that is. talk ALOT. We ended up, all told, spending about 8 hrs on video, which reminded me quite a lot of those deep conversations we have at gatherings. 

Regarding not being able to have class, I found that I was quite dependent on the schedule as part of my routine. Many thanks to Karina who suggested having a beacon put out for Michael since it took the place (in my routine) for the hour. This break in the classes also allows me to get rooted in the practice explained in the first class: breathe, focus, stare at the air. I want to get really good at that before I move on to the more advanced techniques. I believe the progression should happen naturally, so this allows me more time.

March 13, 2023 

The time change is making it difficult to meditate with the sunrise. I overslept by a mile and I was very distracted. I wanted food. I ate. I ended up meditating with 10 minutes left before I started work. But I did it. Staying up till midnight was not the best idea. I found myself quite drained while at work. I wont be doing that again.

March 14, 2023

I'm distracted again. There are so many "priorities" that I have on the burner that I "want" to do in the morning, that I probably need a new routine chart. Reading, listening to music, browsing social media, watching family guy. Some of that stuff, while it may seem like a waste of time, is really the only thing that is keeping me able to focus come 8 o clock. One of my best work friends left on Thursday in the middle of the day and has not been back. Nothing has been disclosed and so I don't have any closure, but I have to keep working. Its taking a toll and I might have to make a decision for myself during my week in Arizona. That's probably why I am lacking in energy today. Everything seems equally important, but nothing is getting done. Maybe I'll get used to it the way that I got used to the others. Maybe I need EAP. I did meditate though. Twice.

March 15, 2023 

Well, this time I didn't oversleep, but I also didn't get out of bed until the very last minute. Where is my energy?! I'm going to have to manufacture it with some redbull. It's not that I don't want to do anything. It's just that doing anything seems like walking through mud. I think my main concern is that I don't feel secure in my work environment. I'm doing my job and I'm doing the best that can be expected given the situations that we have had this year, BUT I'm also at 3 years and I am beginning to feel the effects of burnout. This is the second vacation I have taken in 3 months. This is more than needing self care. I need to make a change. I'd rather strike while the iron is hot than wait until things reach an equilibrium. This situation has given me the catalyst I need. I did meditate though. It's the 16th day I have done so. I'm going to give it another go when I get home.

March 16, 2023 

My vacation can't come soon enough. I don't know where all my energy is. How do I deal with burnout? Maybe I'll research that for an lesson. That's what I am feeling. That and I need to speak to a therapist. I haven't done so in several weeks and I think that is contributing to my low energy. I am going to call EAP after vacation to see what options there are for me. Truthfully, I don't care if its a new person. I have had those before. What I would like though is someone who takes my insurance so that there is a continuum of care once I am done with the sessions. Actually, talking about this made me think that My company does have "Talk Space" and I can get 6 free sessions. What's more is that I can access it through my phone, which means I can get started as soon as I get matched, even if that is on vacation. Depression is just POW and there. I'm hoping this will help. 

I did end up meditating in a moving vehicle. This is getting easier. I'm going to do the same when I get in the car to go home. Maybe my brain will learn to associate cars with meditation instead of the more useless vegging out.

3/17/2023

I don't think the therapy will work. The therapy sessions I can take advantage of are short term (only 6 sessions) so not really designed for deep dives. I know this and yet the lady asks irrelevant questions to my issue. The issue has in some ways resolved itself, so it's ok. I did find out that my friend was let go, so I did get some closure there, but I do feel a lot of grief surrounding it. I have reached out to him.  My brain was so full I had to meditate twice, but I did it.

3/18/2023

I am on my way to Arizona. Today was a mad dash to make sure I didn't forget anything, clean what I could and get out to grab the taxi. Because of the way the TSA works for me I was done in about 15 minutes. Which means I was able to get meditation in while waiting to depart